8-16-04

Who's the evil wench that gave us true blondes a bad name? Which dimwit single handily transformed the world into thinking blondes are dumb, not to mention that we all have big boobs and put-out? Was it Marilyn Monroe? Perhaps. Brittney Spears and Pamela Anderson do not exactly help the plight of blondes either, but for cripes sake, none of these women are even natural blondes! We make billions of blonde jokes, stupid acts have been excused as having "blonde moments", and yet droves of women make themselves blonde. Are women making the transformation so they may have permission to be intentionally dumb?

This has been going on a very long time. In fact, brunettes have been mimicking blondes for so long that it has become common place to assume every blonde is a "bottle blonde". The Roman chicks used to dye their hair blonde with quicklime, wood ash, and old wine because they were jealous of the fair-haired German women brought back as captives by their husbands. The tell tale sign of a true blonde used to be the eyebrows, but technology has even mastered that give-away. The only ones who really know the truth are the glorified hairdressers. They are the secret confidants to many a brunette.

I learned early on that the attributes so many women attain surgically and buy on the shelf at Walmart, are not blessings. I am blonde. The fact that my mother's side was blessed with ample bosoms doesn't help. From the stereotypes associated with my appearance, I must be a real dipshit. I must be so dumb it oozes from my pores and I need major amounts of towels on hand to sop it all up. From puberty on, I have been stuck in this ridiculous category. Chicks wanted to fight me and boys wanted to hump me. It sucked. Convincing people I was not a dumb blonde wasn't easy, and a task I eventually gave up on. I became quite efficient with my right hook and insulting comebacks. Despite the aesthetic facts, during high school, I was intelligent enough to be placed in the nerdy classes including Enriched Algebra (a college level math class). This, however, did not keep me from being nicknamed "Rocky Mountain High". Lovely, eh? I got so sick of being gawked at and hearing "Are those real?" that at one point in my life, I colored my hair brown and wore 3 sports bra's. I looked like a linebacker who had been dead for two weeks.

Men seem to be initially more attracted to blondes with big boobs, but I fear they only see them as a vehicle for arm candy or satisfying their manly needs. It is very rare indeed that a man looks at a buxom blonde and says, "Wow , she must be flippin brilliant! I want to get to know her on the inside". That is probably not exactly what Anna Nicole's late husband was thinking.

I will admit that I have used what the good Lord gave me to my advantage more than once. There have been times when I have taken great joy in playing the part, but it was only because I wanted to hear what the boys were talking about. Sad isn't it? God forbid I join an intellectual conversation and put my two cents in. I had to pretend to know nothing.

People will always hang on to that preconceived notion that blondes have very little upstairs. Could it be that blondes really have the special ability to have more fun? I don't buy it and speaking of buying, why does Clairol make billions selling hair dye to brunettes? A multibillion dollar industry based on a stereotype that says that blondes are easy and dumb. Outstanding. Nothing against brunettes, but you call blondes dumb? Think about it.

Jenn from the Block
Volunteer Writer