12-01-04

As I geared up for my first participatory election, I had unpredictable hopes. I was rooting for Kerry and my faith in his election was often in retrograde.

Previous to the debates, I was certain that the democratic nominee was a lame duck before he even had a chance to get wet. (duck joke) Bush threw wave after wave of incredulous attacks on Kerry; classifying him as a "flip-flopper" and accusing him of having no real stance on anything. If one were to be ignorant to Kerry's actual stances on the issues in question, one would be convinced that Kerry was indeed a lackadaisical politician. Kerry, at first, seemed to be unaffected by the attacks and if he did defend himself, it was not made public by any extensive effort.

After the debates, though, I believed that America saw precisely who John Kerry was and exactly what the country has lacked in terms of presidential aspects. I would boil it down to an effort on Kerry's part to pay particular attention to detail. When Kerry spoke about a policy, he cited specifics and when he finished an answer, I felt informed even if I had already memorized the answer from a previous debate. It almost seemed unfair, especially in the first debates. When asked a question, Bush would respond as though his intellectual integrity were being attacked and his response was a whiny defense of his actions in the past 4 years immediately followed by a generalized Kerry attack.

After the debates, the choice, to me, seemed to be between a well-educated, articulate, compassionate politician or Bush. As the pollsters predicted a tight race, I had an emerging hope in an America conscious of having been fed lies for four years.

When election day came, I enthusiastically filled out my absentee ballot, taking incredible consideration for every minute proposition that was put in front of me. This would either be my first responsible vote in a long voting career or my last vote. Not that I would resort back to apathy, but rather there might not be an America to vote in next time or, less dramatically, I'd move to Canada.

My roommate and I watched the election coverage on different channels. As Bush's lead seemed to become more and more evident, my roommate spoke.

"If Bush wins, it's because all the christians prayed for god to help him win."

"I know, and that's so unfair." I replied.

As the night went on, the lead seemed to increase and our weekly Tuesday night poker game started. I don't think any of us felt very lucky. The race tightened in the late hours of the night and I went to sleep with a tiny bit of hope still left over from the debates.

When I woke up the next morning, the news was out. Bush was reelected. It wasn't surprising that he won, but what did surprise me was by how much he actually won. Every electoral map you look at shows a humbling amount of red spattered over the states with a few minor blemishes of blue.

I am alarmed and disappointed at the margin of victory. Reporters say that Bush won because he appealed to people's moral values. Upon hearing this, I realized that the words "moral values" have become cliche to me for one reason or another. Having become a default agnostic, I find myself disassociated with the religious definitions that these words are associated with. Maybe it's the devil clouding my perception, but to me, moral values is the current political/evangelical word for issues such as gay marriage and abortion. Where these issues to me seem to be basic human/civil liberties that should be extended liberally, Christian conservatives find these issues to be the question of heaven or hell and worth driving the country into unimaginable lows to assure that "morality" prevails. To see an incredible majority of America rally behind Bush's moral stance on these issues makes me so incredibly disappointed. I acknowledge and honor people's stances on moral issues, but when you sacrifice your economy and the state of public education, for instance, because you don't like the idea of people sinning somewhere in America, I think you have missed the point of government and, vicariously, the presidential elections.

Don't get me wrong. There is a side of me that did want to see Bush reelected. It's the same side of me that runs to the window anytime I hear a car screech and slam into something. It will be interesting to see what more damage can be done this time around. Even more interesting might be the to see what's left of American's Civil Liberties after Bush get's done playing another four years of Jenga with the Bill of Rights.

I was looking forward to an America that might be able to move a little bit closer towards affordable healthcare, responsible economics, fair taxes, and peaceful international relationships, but instead I will strap myself in for four more years or maybe better, I will take a four year vacation from the country. Four more years. Four more years. The words rattle in my head as I shake it in disbelief.