8-16-04

“Searching for Bobby Fischer” is a pretty goddamn good movie. I mean it’s got Ben Kingsley in it and he’s awesome. Like REALLY awesome. I mean he was goddamn Ghandi for Christ’s sake. Also everybody keeps calling everybody else a “Potzer” which is Jewish slang for asshole, I think.

“Sneakers” is also a pretty fucking kick ass movie for non-lamos. Ghandi (Ben Kingsley) was in this movie too and it rocked my cock so hard it transmogrified into a bird and then flew down my throat and into my belly. Try and top that Jesus! This movie made blind people kind of cool. I mean they’re still useless for all normal things, but if you need to figure out what bridge you crossed in a trunk then they will always be there for you.

“The Salton Sea” rocked me till God forced it to stop because he felt his position as Omnipotent Dictator for Life of the World was being threatened. God’s such a fascist.

“The Chipmunk Adventure” made me kill every donkey in a twelve mile radius I was so inspired. Who’s your favorite chipmunk? My favorite is the ones with the tits.

“Dreamcatcher” is probably the worst movie Stephen King had anything to do with. Yes, even worse than “Maximum Overdrive”, where the Green Goblin semi-truck gets a life of it’s own and murders people. In Reamcatcher the New Kid on the Block Donnie Wahlburg is a retarded alien who gives some kids super powers for saving him so they can prevent the other aliens, who you poop out of your butt, from taking over the world. I think Stephen King figured out he could just rip out parts from every book he ever made and just throw them into one stupid fucking movie. I wish he got hit by two cars.

“Atlantis: The Lost Empire” is a movie about Giant Robots that can stop lava with their robot powers. This movie should win all the Nobel Prizes because it brings forth a lot of important questions about robots and lava and how they can coexist.

“Taking Lives” In this movie ETHAN HAWKE IS THE FUCKING SERIAL KILLER, AND YOU SEE ANGELINA JOLIE’S BOOBILYS! There you don’t have to watch it cause it sucks. They promote Kiefer Sutherland as being in this movie. They should have said, Kiefer Sutherland looks around a lot and then dies.

Josiah Jarrett